Old School seems to be a statement of… “it’s the past, things have changed now”
An orsum blog was posted by my good friend and Mumpreneur Rachel Wilson……...’To Smack or Not To Smack’ fantastic and very relevant post. A stay home Mum Entrepreneur expressing what most mothers go through in home life and here she is building an online internet business from home.
I just wanted to add to her brilliant blog because I have had my own discoveries on this topic based on my own parenting experiences and observations with being a parent, in
- Family environment
- Place of origin, town, city, country (I’m from the islands)
- Cultural Ethnic differences
- Genetics and
This has been an intriguing topic for me because as a parent, I have seen how complex and overly complicated raising children and giving them guidance has become today. But in reality, to me, it still comes back to basics…… LOVE and DISCIPLINE.
The growth of a child is development through Love and Discipline from the very beginning. As a loving parent, you would do what is necessary to teach your child right from wrong. Physical discipline works for some and not for others, also a necessity for some and not for others, so smacking is not for everyone but a necessity for some.
Me personally, I believe in TLC and smacking my children to establish both authority and boundaries. Children need to learn this from the beginning at a very young age. It set’s them up for life when it is maintained throughout. Hence consistency in a loving environment makes it work. Make no mistake, there is a difference with physical discipline and abuse, abuse is not always physical and the right discipline for the right reason is the key.
For me, the key to this act of discipline, is LOVE. A loving family who has set boundaries is an easy family environment to manage. A caring Father sets the tone of discipline and household law and the Mother sets the tone of love and care. Most importantly, both parents must work in harmony like ying and yang components so children can establish the hierarchy of the family.
Where some parents go wrong with love, is spoiling a child. Some people think that giving a child everything it needs is giving the love it needs. This is a recipe for disaster in the years to come.
It is very obvious when parents are not in harmony with each other. All children behaviour stem from their parents and their home. So before society can go blaming schools and the education system, take a closer look at a child’s home environment. We have a saying in my language, translated as……. “children don’t tell adults how things are done”….. and that law holds throughout our life. You may be able to speak out more as an adult, but when there are family elders around you’re still that kid don’t matter if you are 30, 40 and 50 years old, a very common trait I find amongst ethnic communities. Something which I find modern society has lost, respect for their elders.
My point here is, children do as they’re told, but when they grow up, they’re grown up kids who now live what their parents had to live with, a family and responsibilities.
As society has come down on corporate punishment in homes and schools, children from the 80’s and 90’s are now parents who struggle with discipline. Society has systematically eroded the culture of discipline where children are now becoming more opinionated and self entitled.
Children aren’t stupid, without any control or love they will naturally exploit any situation because they know and can see what they can get away with, it’s that easy. Tantrums is a classic example of this behaviour, I do not allow tantrums of any sort at all in my house. You control tantrums, and you have conquered one of the most important stages of a child’s development, lose control here and the seed of your nightmares is planted.
The stories of uncontrollable children are endless…..
Parents who think a child listens and comprehends adult like reasoning is set up for disaster. Some have become so accustomed with tantrums it becomes the norm, along the same line as spoiling a child.
Also ethnic cultural groups, society and family genetics apply to the level of discipline required. Some gene pools need physical control whilst others don’t. I discovered this through a friend of mine who is from Holland, and I could see why, his mild nature is genetic to how he was raised and how his children react to his style and why the apple never falls far from the tree……
Myself growing up in the islands, sternness and old school discipline was the only way. With a village background where children play with other children of all ages, where the bigger kids pick on the little ones and running around outside in the dirt, the bush and beaches, sets the laws of physical interaction with everything physical. Bumps, cuts and bruises are common, being outside is the norm so parents are constantly setting rules with danger aware and chores that had to be done daily before going out to play, very much like country living.
City dwellers too, demand a different set of rules for their children depending on what backgrounds their parents come from.
Do not compare smacking to abuse, there is a difference. The right smack to deliver the message is all that is required from a very young age. Sadly society now thinks just because you hit something and cause pain, it’s abuse, the law only stops good parents from teaching the right thing whilst children are still being abused.
How many of us feared our Dads wrath when we gave our Mums a hard time or misbehaved at school and was informed that our Mum or Dad has been notified…… unforgettable.
Having my own children and watching how other parents struggle with theirs I have come to realise how old school still works, but each to their own. What may seem harsh in the beginning, you and your child will be greatful in the end.
Each to their own, my old school ways has established control in my household and out in public. Safety is 24/7 to begin with and now is the norm, I am the pillar of safe haven, so when I call, my children react immediately. They don’t know the reason but they know they must act. I don’t stress caring for my children and my children know they are loved.
So I say….. if you were raised old school, then do what you think is right for you. Afterall, you are the one who is going to struggle and stress as your child gets older. Consistency throughout a child’s life keeps them in line, love let’s a child know, they can’t go without you and more importantly, they are an extension of you.
Every parent deserves happiness as much as a child does, we were all children once and look at how damaged we are……… none at all!
All this is my opinion based on my own experience as a parent. I am a professional and an expert in myself. You can agree to disagree, but most of all, I hope this was an entertaining read. Remember, too many experts are analysing from a university lecture room with no hands on experience about something that is so basic that has been done since time began. Hell, animals do it, it’s instincts……… Thankyou